We’re entering the fourth week of the NFL season and if you think some of your team’s losses have been hard to swallow, wait until you see their stadium menus.
You’ve got your hot dogs, chicken wings, nachos, and potatoes in every form imaginable. While some of these classics enhance the game’s experience, we think some stadiums are making eating a little more challenging than it should be. So to honour the start of the season, we’re ranked the messiest, sloppiest, most inconvenient grub you can find across different NFL stadiums.
#8: Dungeness Crab Pretzel, Levi’s Stadium
We’ll start off with a pretty reasonably messy dish: the Dungeness crab pretzel at Levi’s Stadium. This fresh butter-toasted pretzel baguette offers a generous portion of knuckle and claw meat mixed with a garlic aioli, Dijon, and chives. It looks prone to spillage, but overall we think it’s a pretty manageable dish.
#7: Battle Red Tacos, NRG Stadium
Good luck wiping your tears while your hands are full of these spicy tacos at the home of the Texans. They’re stuffed with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos-Crusted chicken strips and topped with a Sriracha mayo. At least you’ll save yourself from bright orange fingertips…this time.
#6: DMV Super Burrito, FedEx Field
Nothing like a five-pound burrito to tie you over during a Redskins game, amirite? This beast holds three pounds of chicken and half-smoke sausage, two pounds of Spanish rice, and all your classic fixings. The super burrito is cut up into 11 pieces, but we won’t judge if you take it on full force.
#5: Pho, CenturyLink Stadium
Soup seems like a good idea on those chilly Sundays in the dead of winter. Not such a good idea when you’re jumping up to cheer for the Seahawks – neither does squeezing between fans to get to your seat. Basically, hot soup and a crowd of fans is a recipe for disaster in our books.
#4: Vegan Sausage, Arrowhead Stadium
There isn’t a ton of vegetarian or vegan options in a sea of stadium chicken and hot dogs, but the Chiefs have unveiled a front runner this season. The vegan sausage made of cauliflower, walnut, and wild rice is loaded with a cranberry apple coleslaw and maple walnut tapenade. We’ll be impressed if you manage to keep the mountain of toppings contained in the toasted New England bun.
#3: Jumbo Jet Breakfast Sandwich, MetLife Stadium
New Yorkers know how to make a mean bagel, but this one might be the meanest of them all. Skip brunch and chow down on this $50 breakfast sandwich. The 10” bagel hosts four eggs, two and a half pounds of meat, potato hash, four slices of American cheese, and a side of “Jet Fuel” (chimichurri sauce).
#2: Dessert Nachos, Ford Field
We like nachos. We also like dessert. But these dessert nachos are calling for several wet wipes. The fried in-house tortilla chips are coated with cinnamon sugar then topped with smoked chocolate sauce with Nutella, marshmallow fluff, graham cracker crumbs, Snickers, chocolate-covered cherries, and sprinkles.
#1: The Gridiron Burger Challenge, University of Phoenix
For the grand finale, the burger to end all stadium burgers. Meet the Arizona Cardinals’ Gridiron Burger Challenge. This $75 beast is a seven-pound burger topped with five hot dogs, five brats, 20 slices of cheese, eight pieces of bacon, eight chicken tenders, 12 ounces of fries, lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes on a 10” bunch. It’s also drowning in “tanker” sauce. If you’re able to conquer the beast, you get your 10 seconds of fame on the Jumbotron along with a free Cardinals jersey. Here’s hoping it also comes with a fat stack of napkins.
