Most Leafs and Auston Matthews fans are familiar with the Cpl. Matthews Twitter account, but if you've never heard of the account before, we've got you covered.
The Cpl. Matthews character is funny in itself, but whoever runs the Twitter account has managed to build up a following with some incredible tweets and now Cpl. Matthews is writing pre-game letters to fans.
The latest letter Cpl. Matthews wrote for Fort Toronto was for the Leafs' upcoming game Saturday night against the Senators in what is known as the Battle of Ontario, and it's quite incredible.
Mother,
We made the journey last night to Kanata, in order to ready ourselves to face the Senators. Unable to afford power, Dictator Melnyk has issued a curfew for electricity use. We used this opportunity to advance behind enemy lines unnoticed.
In addition to our preparation for battle, it is also the LOU's birthday. It is far from the birthday party he deserves, but we have managed to secure a cake for him in our make-shift camp. GEN Babcock has confided in me his strategy for PTE Marner. He intends to allow him to eat as much cake as he can, directly before this eve's clash. He then shall allow him to tire himself in battle whilst he is experiencing the sugar high. If all goes according to plan, he should have a tremendous night, and then sleep right through until the morn.
Our recon shows that the speedy CAP Karlsson has returned to lead the Senators. His courage is tremendous, and he is a respected foe. Despite his return, their Unit still fell to the punchless Vancouverites in their last battle. Our battalion all had a great laugh at this! PTE Nylander found it so humorous that he began choking on a Swedish Meatball. PTE Hyman promptly dug it out of his windpipe, as is his forte. He is great at going into the dirty areas for retrievals. God bless him.
The Battle of Ontario is always a fierce one, and this eve I expect nothing less. But part of me feels bad for our provincial brethren. Dictator Melnyk's foiled plot to build a casino resulted in PTE Methot defecting to Las Vegas. Intelligence reports indicate he has a love of gambling. I cannot imagine the pain the Senators feel, losing him to a younger, more vibrant Unit. So I considered taking it easy tonight, but I've realized that the people of Fort Toronto have grown to expect dominance. So dominance is what I shall give them.
A.M
Dominance is what Matthews has given fans in his career against Ottawa thus far as he has seven points in four games against the Sens.
He also scored four goals in his NHL debut in Ottawa a season ago, so it's reasonable to expect the Cpl. to have a solid night as the Leafs look to improve to 7-1 on the season.
(H/T: Cpl. Matthews)
